To Boldly Go Somewhere
by Tyburn
Summary: A certain starship called Enterprise comes across a highly unadvanced civilisation somewhere in the backwaters of the Federation. Something I came up with in a bored halfhour on the bus.


Mister Spock looked at the scanner screen intently, his eyes narrowing slightly as he tried to take in the sight that presented itself to him in the shape of a glorious four-dimensional hologram in his science station's viewer. As chief science officer of the _Enterprise_, the Federation's premier science and exploration cruiser, he had a duty to inform captain Kirk of this.

"Captain," he said, raising a hand absently. The captain stood from his command chair and walked across the bridge to his station.

"What is it Spock?" The captain, a little rotund around the midriff and bedecked in a toupee that none of the crew would make fun of out of respect, placed his hands palm-down on the counter of the science station.

"It seems we have encountered a new species in this sector. Scans indicate that this planet is the source of all the transmissions the Federation has been picking up recently."

"I see," Kirk nodded slowly. "What can you tell me about them?"

Spock called up the ship's library computer. On the screen behind the station, a small blue-green planet in the middle of the inner sanctum of a small virtually insignificant solar system in what to the Federation was the middle of nowhere. "They have technology, but it is virtually retarded in comparison to our own. They've made a few forays into space, but seem to have abandoned the idea in favour of a series of one-upmanship arms races and petty quarrels amongst their nations."

"Oh, it's one of those kind of races is it?" Kirk muttered sardonically. Every now and then the _Enterprise_ would come across a race that, while with the ambition and technology to reach out toward the stars, seemed more intent on wiping one another out.

"Yes captain," Spock angled a perfectly formed eyebrow at his superior. He activated a couple of controls. The screen switched to images of violent and bloody wars, punctuated by garish cinematic violence. "Even their cultures seem to be based upon violence, aggression and the committal of crimes too varied and numerous to mention."

"So they actually have some form of culture?" Kirk seemed a little surprised.

"Culture in name only, captain. They seem to be a narratively-driven species, believing themselves to be the centre of the universe, the very cradle of civilization itself when, in reality, there is hardly anything civil about them."

Kirk gave a small sigh. Pressing the communicator button by Spock's station, he leaned into the microphone. "Mister Scott, have you been made aware of this planet and their technology? Do you have anything to add to what mister Spock has been saying?"

"Och, that I have captain," the voice on the other end of the communicator was from Scotty, the ship's chief engineer, a man whose belly was nearly as big as his undisputed engineering talent. "They're no a canny wee peoples, seems like they're gaggin' fae a barney wi' anyone who comes along. And the weapons they're packin' could put quite the dent in oor shields."

"Captain," Sulu, the ship's helm officer called from his position in front of and to the right of the captain's chair. "Should I prepare a landing party to beam down and investigate?"

Kirk weighed up his options. This race was violent and narcissistic, that much was certain. They couldn't even keep the peace amongst themselves, so there was no telling what would happen if they were integrated into the peaceful Federation. As he watched the images flow on the screen ahead of him, some of them scenes of such horror he had to turn his head, he had already come to a decision. "No mister Sulu. I don't think we'll be paying these people a visit any time soon. Perhaps we can come back in a hundred years or so, see if they've grown up any."

"Aye captain," Sulu returned to his work.

Standing straight, Kirk gave Spock a worried glance, his six eyes narrowing slightly.

"And what did you say this planet was called?"

Spock closed off the science station with his eight-fingered hand, turning the upper half of his conical body to face the captain. He regarded his superior officer with an air of politesse, bowing slightly as he spoke. "The locals call it Earth, captain."

"Yes," Kirk surmised as he strode back to his command chair, the one he had had to have specially made to account for his four knees. "Get us out of here, mister Sulu, maximum warp."


End file.
